Sunday dinner: Medigan breakfast pizza and more food racism

I dislike everything about the recipe I’m going to share with you, but I can’t resist. I love breakfast pizza. I also love Pillsbury Crescent Rolls. As a self-avowed food racist, I shouldn’t like Crescent rolls. They are everything that is wrong with America: processed food from a tube that is the bakery equivalent of green bean casserole.

As a child, we did not eat a lot of Pillsbury heat-n-eat products. Come to think of it, we didn’t eat anything from the bread or roll family unless it was made by Wonder or an Italian bakery. Pillsbury, as my grandmother might have said, was medigan.

(Medigan, or merda de cane, loosely translated as dog shit, or what Italian immigrants referred to American food and culture. Medigan. A-mer-i-can.)

Food racism means I’m supposed to shun this section at Wegmans, a refrigerated case which also contains heat-n-eat cookie dough, cinnamon rolls and other items. But, like any good racist, I have flaws in my logic. Crescent rolls are really, really good.

My CEO told me about a breakfast pizza she makes using crescent roll dough. Intrigued, I gave it a try a couple of weeks ago. It was nothing short of great. I mean, great for medigan food. Tonight, I gave it another go, making two versions — ham and spinach, and bacon.

Two things to keep in mind. First, if you have to cook bacon or sausage, do it in advance. You don’t want the hot grease from the meat to scramble the eggs on contact. And, there’s no sense in burning your hands while prepping the pizza. Two, add the eggs just before putting the pizzas in the oven. The eggs will go in raw and cook in the oven. Don’t precook them as they will get dried out and flaky. And don’t worry about eggs running over the side. It makes a nice little crust for the crust.

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Crescent roll breakfast pizza
By Jared Paventi

  • 1 can of Pillsbury Crescent Roll seamless dough
  • 8 oz. of ham, cooked bacon or cooked sausage, chopped
  • 1 cup shredded cheese
  • 3 eggs
  • salt
  • pepper
  • 1 clove garlic, minced
  • 1/2 cup spinach, broccoli, or peppers, optional

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

Unroll the dough on an ungreased cookie sheet (I lined my pan with parchment paper for easier cleanup) and flatten. Roll the edges over to create a barrier to prevent the egg from running over.

Create a layer of meat, top with any veggies and then the cheese. Ladle eggs over the top to cover evenly. Bake for 10-15 minutes, or until cheese is evenly melted and the eggs are solid. Remove from the oven and let stand 2-3 minutes before slicing.

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3 thoughts on “Sunday dinner: Medigan breakfast pizza and more food racism”

  1. A friend of mine calls those WHOMP crescents because in the old days, you’d WHOMP the tube on the edge of the counter to get it to open.

    I saw last week that there are WHOMP scones at Wegmans.

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